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Sept2014Caryl’s Reflections on SORROW…...


SORROW (the rendering of a number of Hebrew and Greek words) is understood to represent mental pain or grief that arises from the privation of some good [that we] actually possessed. It is the opposite of joy; contracts the heart, sinks the spirit, and injures the health. (Unger’s Bible Dictionary)


In  Isaiah 53:3 - 4,  Jesus was described as “A Man of sorrows.” It is well to note the anguish that accompanied the grief with which Jesus was acquainted: He was rejected, He was despised, afflicted, and not valued (esteemed) by men.


He (Jesus Christ)  is despised and rejected by men,

A Man of sorrows and acquainted with grief.

And we hid, as it were, our faces from Him;

He was despised, and we did not esteem Him.

Surely He has borne our griefs

And carried our sorrows;

Yet we esteemed Him stricken,

Smitten by God, and afflicted.  (Is.53:3-4)


I’m so grateful to Jesus Christ for having walked the sorrows of this life and given us His example of how Godly sorrow vs. worldly sorrow can be faced through the empowerment of His Holy Spirit, which is freely given to believers as His Gift of Grace. (2 Cor 1:5-6; Heb 2:10;) The Apostle Paul distinguishes two sorts of sorrow: “Godly sorrow worketh repentance to salvation not to be repented of: but the sorrow of the world worketh death” (2 Cor  7:10). The one is that sorrow for sin [that is] wrought by God [and] leads to repentance, while the other is a sorrow about worldly objects which, when separated from the fear of God, tends to death, temporal and eternal. (Unger Bible Dictionary)


Sorrow, it seems, is part of life, and for me it has recently come in with overwhelming irony and drama that, in most cases,  begins with the letter “D” for death, dissolving of friendships, divorce, disappointment, depression, dreams shattered, downright expensive, devilish—and the list goes on! It seems that although sorrow grips the heart and can sink the spirit and may even bring injuries to our health, we, as born-again believers and distinguished as children of God (the Spirit Himself testifies with our spirit - Rom 8:16), are sealed with the Holy Spirit of Promise (Eph 1:13) and have miraculously been given the Power of God to equip us in our sorrows. The Person of the Holy Spirit, the third Person of the Trinity, who is the guarantee of our inheritance until the redemption of the purchased possession (2 Cor 1:22), who is the Revealer of all Divine Truth through the Scriptures (John 14:26 & 16: 13), has instructed us through the Word to “count it all joy when you fall into various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces patience….” and  “...rejoice to the extent that you partake of Christ’s sufferings…” (James 1; 1 Pet 4 13).  I have been encouraged as I know that He draws close to me in all trials and testings and doesn’t give me anything that He can’t handle. Therefore, in my weakness He is my Strength, that His Power may rest on me  (2 Cor 12:9).


Where I have been deeply encouraged is in realizing that God’s prescription in dealing with sorrow  is to praise Him in adversity and to give thanks for all things (Eph 5:20; Col 1:12, 3:17; Heb 13:15; 1 Tim 2:1). He reminds us to sing praises to His name (2 Sam 22:50), give thanks, sing psalms, talk of His wondrous works, let our hearts rejoice, seek His strength, remember His wonders, and more!  (1 Chr 16:8-12)


During these last few months, I have read and re-read the Book of James, which has inspired and motivated me with its teaching about trials, suffering, and testing. I find it a miraculous wonder that at Pentecost my Creator God, based on the simple condition of faith in Jesus Christ, bestowed His ascension gift of His Spirit of Truth on the believer. I am deeply grateful for the office and work of God’s Holy Spirit in His baptizing work to instruct believers, regenerate us,sanctify us, and comfort us in the fulness of riches found in Jesus Christ. I am abundantly appreciative for His baptism into the Body of Christ, which is not only understood as union with other believers in the Body of Christ worldwide (1 Cor 12:13) but also into union with Jesus Christ Himself (Rom 6:3-4). What an incredible concept!

Even more awe inspiring is the concept that God’s Holy Spirit indwells every believer perpetually (John 14:17; Rom 8:9; 1 Cor 6:19 - 20) and fills every believer when special conditions of filling are met, such as praising (and praising and praising) at all times….. “Be filled with the Spirit, speaking to one another in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing and making melody in your heart to the Lord” (Eph 5:18). This command to sing and make melody in my heart to the Lord has day and night kept me filled with His Strength, which is my joy: “Do not sorrow, for the joy of the LORD is your strength.” (Neh 8:10)


Even though mourning, weeping, lamenting, sorrow, and sadness are a tragic reality of life, I have personally experienced the joy, comfort, and power of the Holy Spirit’s immediate source of all life, physical and intellectual (Ps 104:29; Isa 32:15; Job 33:4; Gen 2:7;  Num 11:17) and I know His Gracious  influence in leading me from sorrow to joy. Many a time, through His patient leading He has given me “beauty for ashes, the oil of joy for mourning, the garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness…” and the promises associated with His mantle “that we may be called trees of righteousness,” for “the planting of the LORD, that He may be glorified.” (Isa 61:3;).  God’s Holy Spirit is His gift, giving us His ability to overcome severe trauma and sadness. At our choosing, which He gives the encouragement to do, He empowers us to give Him glory. What a privilege it is as He reveals all divine truth through His Word and strengthens our faith!


To everything there is a season, a time for every purpose under heaven:...a  time to weep, …a  time to mourn,...I know that nothing is better for them than to rejoice, and to do good in their lives, and also that every man should eat and drink and enjoy the good of all his labor.”  (Ecc 3: 1,4,12,13)


Scripture cautions against wallowing  in sorrow, as witnessed in the story of King David, a man whom God described as “a man after My own heart, who will do all My will” (Acts 13:22).  When David was faced with the tragic death of his child, he gave his all to the Lord in crying out for his baby’s life: he pleaded, prayed, fasted, and lay on the ground, day and night, to see whether the Lord would be gracious to him and spare his child’s life. But after discovering God’s will on the seventh day after his child died, the Bible tells us that “David arose from the ground, washed and anointed himself, and changed his clothes; and he went into the house of the LORD and worshiped. Then he went to his own house; and when he requested, they set food before him, and he ate” (2 Sam 2:20).


David’s next move was to go and comfort his wife. The Holy Spirit is named The Comforter, and among His many duties is that of bringing comfort to us personally and through us to those around us. It seems as if trials and sorrows of life are designed to bring comfort to us individually, through the work of the Holy Spirit, and collectively, through the Body of Christ by means of the loving comfort and support from others. Over the past several months I have personally experienced this type of amazing encouragement from many hundreds of you worldwide, and I’m deeply thankful.


In my discovering (another D word!) the diagnosis (yet another D!) of cancer, I’ve been brought to tears of joy by the hundreds upon hundreds of messages of loving thoughts, prayers, and messages from you, the global Body of Christ. Some of you are known to me, but many countless others I don’t know personally, but you are my fellow family and friends in Christ, co-labourers in my ministry, and supporters who have brought incredible cheer to my soul during my time of dealing (another D word!) with the cancer dynamic (I’ll refrain from drawing attention to yet another D!).


The first panic (fear and anxiety) that cancer brought into my consciousness was the potential loss of my quality of life and the thought that it perhaps could mean death itself. My first reaction to such thoughts was frightening — yes, that was a new concept, but it was quickly followed by the Biblical promise that to be absent from the body is to be present with the Lord! However, I also questioned my almost glib reaction: was it a true or shallow response? Was it a denial? Or was it really the blessing of joy?  As I contemplated on my many new emotions over the past three months, I was thrown into new types of chaotic sadness: I felt the desire to tidy up loose ends, while at the same time I experienced an urgent need to pursue alternate health extremes with supplements and herbal wellness. I was given many—overwhelmingly many—opinions from well-meaning friends. My life became consumed with trying to hold on to health and also try to let go! I found myself with a barrage of questions regarding what God might be trying to teach me through these new health issues and also experienced an awareness of how dastardly cruel and diabolical was the enemy with his onslaughts.


It all seemed to happen very suddenly right after my speaking engagement in Appleton, Wisconsin last September. The theme of the conference was Delusion, Deception, and False Teachers within the Church in These Last Days. My talk was named “Wide Is the Gate” and based on, at that point, the DVD series consisting of Volumes 1, 2, and the Bonus Feature of  Wide is the Gate:The Emerging New Christianity. Caryl Productions was nearing the release (that very month) of Volume 3, about the hyper-charismatic and Pentecostal  movement, its history, evolution, and present-day influences in the Church. It was the final exposé of the series and ran over five hours long in viewing time! This research-packed volume had taken us three years in production, involving many difficulties and setbacks but was now, at last, on the verge of release, and then began my health issues!


It started on a beautiful sunset evening, the eve of my return to California after our successful Appleton conference. My dear friend, Dana, and I were going for a bike ride together to see the setting sun reflecting on Lake Mills, Wisconsin.  Suddenly, on a downhill section of the road, travelling at about 20 miles an hour,  something happened that didn’t seem to involve anything apparent, but triggered my near-fatal bike accident, which resulted in months of much traumatic suffering. There were also the  experiences of first-time adventures too! A high-speed ambulance ride (of which I remember nothing) to local Watertown Hospital, followed by a helicopter airlift to Madison Hospital, which I don’t recall either! Due to a severe head injury, cranial bleeding, and a three-place facial fracture, I received stitches and subsequent surgery. I had an intensive team of doctors while I was in the Emergency Unit who, over the next few days, wonderfully administered to my many daily woes!


I stayed in Wisconsin for several weeks as I dealt with the aftermath of the bike accident, and since returning to California have subsequently had a successful knee surgery along with weeks of physical therapy for lower back injury, and numerous pain-related tests. The left side of my body from head to toe still has partial nerve damage. The downside has been various physical restrictions to what used to be my very active athletic life, but the upside is that there has been slow healing, which continues!


Exactly three months later to the very day of the bike accident, on the 9th of December, I was diagnosed with breast cancer. We were all shocked by the news of yet another health problem and in the form of this disease as of yet unknown in my family. The cancer has progressively increased thru the lymph nodes,now in both breasts, and recently possibly shifted to my lungs due to an unexpected attack of pneumonia resulting in significant lung disease almost a month ago. Results of a PET scan I took earlier  this week should reveal more. (Latest cancer update included at end)


Although I’d escaped death itself in the bike accident, we simultaneously learned of my dearest friend Dana’s father who’d been told that he had cancer. The ongoing results from examinations of his symptoms were facing us on a weekly basis while she faithfully nursed me during my recovery and recuperation in her home in Wisconsin. Sadly and subsequently, his cancer resulted in the tragic loss of his life. But during the process, we watched him grow in his faith as he trusted fully what Jesus Christ had for him while he, and indeed all his family, hoped and believed he’d get through the challenge of life with cancer. With gusto he pursued all remedies for physical wellness as well as taking every opportunity to communicate his love of his personal Lord and Savior. Despite health changes and pain he went about his daily living with a courageous and positive attitude. It was my first encounter watching someone close to me involved in the battle with cancer. After I left Wisconsin, his cancer multiplied aggressively and he deteriorated rapidly. I had meanwhile myself been diagnosed with cancer and was facing my own challenges of learning the speedy downhill tragedies that cancer can take. I was fearfully overwhelmed and threw myself into cancer research, alternative wellness options to traditional medicine protocols, and more.


The next few weeks for me were very daunting—besides the fact that I was keenly aware of the emotions of my dear friend facing the death of her father, I was in survival mode myself. My emotions ran wildly amuck, and I must admit that my sorrow over the ultimate loss of her dad affected me in ways I’d never experienced before. Lost in the hopelessness of a life gone, I found myself contending with a darkness, aloofness, unfamiliar feelings of numbness, unusual mood changes of sheer grief, despair, and a strange off-guardedness at not being able to respond to it all. My consciousness of these strange emotional fusions eventually brought me to a new awakening and deadness that seemed attached to childhood happenings of long ago. Somehow, from somewhere, sorrows and pains that had been tucked away in hidden corners of my soul were surfacing, and over the days, lost in surrealism, I started to realize that I was receiving comforting as the Lord breathed His healing life into long-passed hurts. In all the emotional upheaval, He gently ministered to me through tears, bewilderment, grief for my friend’s predicament that at the time I couldn’t even articulate or empathize with, but my Faithful Lord, through it all, exchanged beauty for ashes and nudged me into a new phase of trust in Him!


As a spiritual seeker in my early 20s I sought answers to the purposes of life. As a new-ager, I searched through pagan philosophy for a meaning, and even prior to that, raised a devout Roman Catholic, I explored its answers to questions about love and even about death itself. Since becoming a born-again child of God, I’ve learned many of those answers from God's Promises in the Bible and have been given His assurance of afterlife, eternity and heaven. In my pre-20s, despite having been raised a Roman Catholic and believing myself to be a Christian, I didn’t realize there was a difference between a Christian faith based on a Biblical foundation and a Christianity based on religious traditions of “churchianity.” Even though raised in a form of Christianity,  I didn’t know of the eternal life given by God the Father through Jesus Christ’s gift of redemption on the cross. It wasn’t until after my confession of personal faith in Jesus Christ, when I finally admitted that I was a sinner in need of Him as my Saviour, that I fully understood the concept of being miraculously removed from the kingdom of darkness, spiritual death, bondage from the results of the wages of sin and its consequential separation from God for all eternity. I had previously had no idea of the concept of being lost for all eternity, an idea that God has revealed to me since through my searching the Scriptures. Over the years, I started to understand the importance of learning directly from the Bible about foundational Biblical doctrines rather than accepting Church traditions on these matters which oft times don’t line up with what the Bible teaches.


Even though I was alive with physical life, I was spiritually dead and vaguely understood, even in those pre-20 years, that that was my sorrowful plight. I tried to drown my lostness in partying, travelling, drugs, alcohol, promiscuity, and spiritual relief through pagan remedies. I’ve written about this in detail in my autobiography, Out of India: A True Story about the New-Age Movement.


As a very idealistic new-ager, I pursued what I thought were good and worthwhile pursuits, and one of them was the dream of eternal youth through vegetarianism and philosophical rituals such as meditation and yoga, in an attempt, unknowingly, to bypass the judgements of death and the hope of procrastinating death through reincarnation. Somehow thinking that I was capable of sidestepping death by these “other roads,” (reincarnation, karma, Maya (illusion aka wisdom and power) etc, and studying eastern and psychological alternatives became part of my pursuit for better life! However, the idea of living forever as taught in the Bible through God’s way, which means through repentance and confession in Jesus Christ, was a million paths away from me until I was led (a fact unbeknownst to me), to a Bible study in Chicago. That evening in 1973, I was taken through the Word directly to God given answers about His love and eternity.


Thus began my new life as a new creature who now had trust and faith in Jesus Christ, the Second Person of the Trinity of God, Who is in communion with God Himself. I learned that God is Love and I realized that Love itself is God Himself. The years of my youthful pursuits as I sought love and self-worth had taken me down some troublesome paths resulting in hurts and abuses that had left painful scars in the depths of my soul. Today, understanding that God is Love, that His Ways are perfect Justice, that He died to forgive and redeem me, and His gift to me of new beginnings, are just a few of the awesome contemplations that He has used to show that He LOVES me! It’s too marvellous to comprehend. But that is the story of the Love of God (1 John 4:9-17).


Even to your old age, I am He, [I will be your God]

And even to gray hairs I will carry you! [through all your lifetime]

I have made [you], and I will bear;[care for you]

Even I will carry, and will deliver you. (Isaiah 46:4)


In my early 20s, I never comprehended that the eternity I was pursuing would end me up in hell with Satan, separated from God, which is exactly what Satan, the ruler/god of this world seeks (2 Cor 4:3-4; John 12:31). I’ve since learned through the Word of God that such a place of eternal torment, the lake which burns with fire and brimstone, was the eternity prepared by God for the devil and his fallen angels. This place of punishment and judgement was never intended for mankind! What was intended for mankind by Jesus Christ was that none should perish, for this eternal freedom He gave His life. Eternal torment in the lake of fire was made for Satan, his followers, and, sadly, for those who choose to reject Jesus Christ and His forgiveness through His bloody offering on the cross. Belief in Jesus Christ comes with the promise that believers in Him will not perish but have eternal life. John 3:16-17 explains, “For you did not send your Son into the world to condemn the world, but to save the world through Him” (Jesus Christ, who is now risen, promising resurrection life to believers in Him). God, like King David, knows what it feels like to lose a Son to death, through God’s love for the world, He voluntarily offered His One and only Son’s life that we may share with Him in His resurrected eternal life.


Because our Creator God placed His concept of eternity in our hearts (Ecc 3:11), we have His desire to live forever (a dream that I pursued as a pagan new-ager). Sadly many, as I almost did, will spend their eternity in the wrong place unless they, as born-again believers, have God’s passionate love in their hearts to reach out to a dying, lost world. He reached out with open arms on the cross to those who were doomed to an eternity without Him. Such a close shave with an eternity in the wrong place, the lake of fire, has compelled me, since my conversion in 1973, to tell others the good news we have in the free gift of eternity with Jesus Christ through faith in Him.


Such knowledge of eternity with Him should comfort us in the face of impending death as we deal daily with the snatching away of our lives, as I have recently experienced when told I had cancer. The promise in Scripture that was the “Lifter of my head” says,  So we are always confident, knowing that while we are at home in the body we are absent from the Lord. For we walk by faith, not by sight. We are confident, yes, well pleased rather to be absent from the body and to be present with the Lord. Therefore we make it our aim, whether present or absent, to be well pleasing to Him (2 Cor 5: 6-9).


Over the last few months, as I’ve experienced a plethora of emotions, my greatest praise is the presence of God’s peace in the midst of it all. Jesus Christ promised, Peace I leave with you, My peace I give to you; not as the world gives do I give to you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid (John 14:27). There is a type of peace that  the world gives, but it’s a peace that comes with anxiety and the compelling need to strive in contrast to the Holy Spirit’s peace, which encourages a “letting go” and “letting God.” As the text reminds us, worldly peace brings the heart a troublesome fear that something needs yet to be achieved. But the Holy Spirit reveals that Jesus Christ is the One Who achieves it all. He’s the One to trust in, His accomplishing is sufficient. I give thanks to the Holy Spirit’s guiding Who encourages me to place my trust in the Person of Jesus Christ and rest in a trustworthy relationship with Him.


This test of having cancer has been a blessed reminder in countless promises from the fullness of the Holy Trinity Itself: Promises from the Father, who has different attributes and characteristics from His Son, my Saviour Jesus Christ, who differs yet again from the Third Person of the Holy Spirit—yet all three Persons, in  the plurality of God, are united in nature and in mission yet with different roles. Each one is in total community with the others in their fullness of Love with which they have promised to uphold me.


And, amazingly I have also been miraculously upheld with the love and support of the Body of Christ worldwide, by the hundreds who have written to me, prayed for me, and encouraged me almost daily with wonderful blessings and promises from the Word of God! Thank you all.


For whatever is born of God overcomes the world. And this is the victory that has overcome the world—our faith. (1 John 5:4)


My PET scan results and update as of May 3rd 2015

Sorry to have to pass on bad news as I learned my PET scan results show my breast cancer has metastasized (spread to other parts of my body by way of the blood or lymphatic vessels) and the disease is now in my lungs and bones. The worser problem is that of the growth in my lungs but I must admit the bone cancer is the most painful by far which could eventually lead to crippling. Over the past months, as the pain in my lower back has been ongoing and increasing, I’ve been blaming the bike accident and was looking forward to some relief with lower lumbar surgery but now of course such surgery will not be happening due to bone cancer findings. While I thought my knee surgery was successful the subsequent physiotherapy hasn’t helped in diminishing the pain and I was wondering why - now I know!  I’ve been told there is nothing as chronic as cancer pain - the most painful of pains!


The treatment recommended by my oncologist is NOT chemo-therapy which I’m thrilled about, but rather new technology in new drugs which hopefully my insurance will cover? Your prayers for coverage are much needed as the three suggested drugs are each VERY expensive and completely unaffordable by me personally at over thousands per per month!
The doctors did predict a short life span from here on which the new drugs could increase if I respond well to them! These then are my prayer requests which I thank you for lifting up before the Throne of Mercy and Grace. And please include prayer for my family. Thank you!

45 thoughts on “Sorrows”

  • Denise

    So sorry to hear the news. I will be praying for you.

  • Mary Runge

    Dear Caryl,
    God bless your dear heart. I grieve for you as my dear father suffered what you are now. I do not wish that on anyone. I don't understand why the Lord allows some of what he does but as you know...it's always for our good somehow or the other. I am praying for you and will until you are with the Lord. I pray for His most perfect Will for you. I pray for your healing and at the very least to take away the pain. I do know your life and your work has blessed me in my life. I've learned so much through you. Love, Mary Runge

  • Donna

    Dear Caryl, you are in my daily prayers. This article is such a huge blessing, as your dvd's have also been.
    More than the material things you have given the Body of Christ are those things which come from within you. The love of Jesusnwhich pours out of,you, the gifts you have been given, and used so lovingly to deify the Body, the Grace you exhibit to all who meet you.
    I did get to meet you last year in Appleton, and thus I can say those things knowing they are true.
    My prayers and those of countless others will remain with you until they are no longer needed. May God continue to walk before you and grant you Hid Peace. A sister in Jesus, Donna

  • Pat Hess

    I praise God for how He has used you in your ministry. I thank you for your faithfulness and pray that you will continue to feel Jesus right there with you through in every moment of this journey. God bless you, Caryl!

  • Lisa

    Dear Caryl,
    Your courage, reliance upon the Lord, and gentle humor are a lovely reflection of the saving, transformative grace of Jesus. May He hold you tenderly and minister to your heart and body. I will pray for you that He will surround you with exactly the comfort, medicine and friends best suited for you. Thank you, precious one.

  • Pastor Kathi McCarty

    I was at the conference in Appleton. Though we do not know each other personally, I am fully engaged in prayer for you, being a breast cancer survivor myself. Your entire article resonates in my spirit; my health is fragile, and pain is my companion most days. But my Lord Jesus has taught me much about His great grace, and the lessons of sorrow have served only to deepen my trust in the One Who is Able. I pray God will envelope you in His great love and grace and keep you in His marvelous compassion and healing virtue.

    God bless you.
    Pastor Kathi McCarty
    Cornerstone Church Fox Valley
    Menasha, WI 54956

  • Lori Lindsley
    Lori Lindsley May 9, 2015 at 1:49 am

    Dearest Caryl,

    It is with deep sadness that I read of your painful plight. In the midst of your, at times, overwhelming pain, I pray that the Lord will continue to raise a standard against it - whether it be in praise despite it, physical relief of it, or perfect peace in wholly resting in Him in it. I pray that He will be your shelter through it and if possibly His will, His healing. And if not His will, that you will be assured of His Words of "good and faithful servant." I thank you for being transparent of your struggles and how you have brought glory to His name. Your work has rescued many perishing and will continue to do so. I pray for that Hebrew 11 faith to continue for you - that anchor for your soul in this sea of temporal trouble. I know that Jesus continues to intercede for you, and in the midst of a cloud of witnesses, I pray that He will be your moment by moment sustenance. Thank you for all the seeds you have sown in my life. You have made a difference.

    Love in Him,

  • Joyce Spinks
    Joyce Spinks May 9, 2015 at 2:02 am

    Thank you so much for all the encouragement & wisdom you have given me personally over the years through your many works. I have benefitted greatly because of your godly teachings! And in your sickness, you're still giving godly instruction & growing me spiritually. Thank You & I will continue to pray with you...I know you are precious in His sight!!!

  • Terri Prasch Ward
    Terri Prasch Ward May 9, 2015 at 3:51 am

    Dear Caryl..you have taught me so well for many a time and you are still teaching me and so many others some of the best lessons of courage and staying close to our Savior no matter what may come. You are surely in His hands and not alone as you forge this walk before you..Thank You dear Sister for more than words can say..I am praying as I have been for you and your family and will continue to..May Jesus comfort you and stregnthen you as only He can. I am also praying for a miracle with the drugs and provision for your expenses. God Keep You Terri in New York

  • Gale Marie Brazier
    Gale Marie Brazier May 9, 2015 at 4:54 am

    Tears, streaming... Praying...
    There is an ad on television,
    for something called the Curve,
    it is $500, to use for pain relief, in shoulders, knees.. It might be contraindicated. Praying for your pain relief. Thank you for all you have done! I came out of the new age, in 1978. People here in central Texas, smirk.. What? They know I am a Californian, born again believer, a berean which really bugs other Christians, not bereans.. Most are emergent, pro-Beth Moore, Rick Warren, etc. Carly, thank you ! Praying... Micha 6: 8 Isaiah 9:6

  • Janet Mayfield
    Janet Mayfield May 9, 2015 at 4:59 am

    Hi Caryl. I too have cancer and my petscan is May 15th. I watched my sister Judi die of bone cancer and my other sister Jackie Alnor lost her hurband to cancer. I have cancer of the cervix and I am petrified of the surgery and you won't belief how you have lifted me. Thanks so much.

  • Gene & Vicki Richard
    Gene & Vicki Richard May 9, 2015 at 11:39 am


    We are praying for you daily. We know you know all the Bible verses, so we are not going to quote any here, Though we do not understand on this side of Glory, we do know that our God
    is in control.
    May our Lord Jesus Christ continue to give you peace.

    Gene & Vicki

  • Catherine gullich
    Catherine gullich May 9, 2015 at 12:49 pm

    I will keep you in my prayers. Thank you for sharing your testimony. You have been blessed by discovering one of the most profound secrets to overcoming in your walk with God and that is to WORSHIP no matter what state you find yourself in it will lift you when nothing else can for He inhabits the praises of His people. God bless you. I would like to send you a donation but not sure where.

  • Cherie C.

    Then we, your brothers and sisters in Christ, will raise the money needed for your treatment as God allows.

  • Mary Jo Wesley
    Mary Jo Wesley May 10, 2015 at 12:16 am

    Caryl...thank you for your transparency and honesty regarding your cancer diagnosis. Please know that the body of Christ stands around you, believing and praying for both provision and healing. May the God of all help and comfort cover you with His grace and peace today. Also, thank you so much for your fantastic body of work that has been so instrumental in my growth as a believer.

  • Margaret Henderson

    Dear precious sister..you are such an ispiration to me..I hold you in prayer for the Lord,s will to be done for you ...for you to know comfort and for you to know that your faith in God is a source of great encouragement to me ,,Blessed dear one,,He loves you and so do I xxxxxxxxxxxxx<3

  • Dennis Bishop
    Dennis Bishop May 10, 2015 at 11:31 am

    I have been a great admirer of your ever since I discovered your " Wide is the Gate" volume 1. Then I bought 2 but have not gotten 3. More than these things though, I wanted to let you know I am praying for you with your injuries and now your bout with cancer! Satan is sifting you but you are strong in the Lord! I pray that you experience God's healing and that your heart will be comforted. Greater is He that is in you , than he that is in the world... To be absent from the body is to be present with the Lord! May God richly bless you and your family and may you be a shining light to those around you especially in these last days..
    With Love, Dennis.

  • Nina Ruth

    Dear Caryl,

    Thank you for being so real, honest, open and precious.

    I am going through a wilderness of being hit from every side, it seems, though nothing to what you're experiencing right now, and well you described the many emotions. But you equally described well the precious treasures of Jesus, and comfort of the Holy Spirit.

    I pray our Heavenly Father holds you in His loving arms in such a powerful and tangible way!

    You're right, praise is soooo key, and ONLY the Holy Spirit can give a song in the night.

    And then, we comfort ourselves and each other the way the apostle Paul tells us from the truth of God's Word...that soon we'll hear the trumpet, and be caught up to meet Jesus in the air, and so we'll ever be with the Lord!!

    I don't live too far from you (San Diego), but if I may be of any comfort or minister any practical help, it would be my honour.

    I hope you can have a prayer time over the phone with my pastor, Andrew Robinson and his wife, Pat, from England. I KNOW they would bless you so!

    YOU are a blessing!!!
    Love in the precious name of Jesus,
    Nina Ruth :-)

  • Stan Balken

    Hi Caryl… I feel badly about all that has happened to you… I went through 9 1/2 yrs of Chemo, surgery, and surgeries… and God now healed me… although I was at stage IV for several years… My oncologist has no reason for even being alive today…. God is Still in the healing business and contending for your healing is what I think you need to do as I did a few years back and still do today…. l have and will continue to pray for you and God's supernatural healing in your body… blessings… Stan

  • Susan D

    I only heard your name for the first time 4 days ago and yet today when I read your news I am truly saddened. I know God will give you comfort in your trials and your family will be in my prayers.
    I recently started attending a yoga class being newly offered at my small nondenominational church. After 3 classes I felt a "check" in my spirit that told me to research yoga. The first video I watched was of you discussing the dangers. I since have told the instructor my concerns and that I would not be continuing and the Elders are now canceling the class. So thank you for your wisdom.
    I also heard you discuss the Emerging church which I had no knowledge of before. My best friend's son is a missionary with IHOP in Kansas City and we support him. I will now be looking into what our dollars are going towards. Again, thank you and God Bless.

  • Dale Langmade
    Dale Langmade May 23, 2015 at 10:46 am

    Caryl, I was sad to hear of your sickness from my pastor. We are praying for you over in Arizona. I am sorry for the grief I have caused, but in the long run He will wipe the tears from our eyes. dale

  • Susanne P.

    Dear Caryl, praying that God's glory will be seen in your life, that you are daily encouraged and strengthened in Him, and that if it's not your time to leave this earth yet, for a miracle! I have been blessed by some of your ministry to expose pagan deceptions and I know that when we as God's people faithfully serve Him on the battlefield, the flaming arrows do come, but in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ, by the shield of faith we can snuff out the flaming arrows by the power of Holy Spirit in us. I pray your mind is guarded in the peace of Christ our wonderful Saviour. He is in control. Amen

  • Alan Barnett

    I pray for your continued peace in the name of Jesus Christ, the author and finisher of our faith.

  • Susanne P.

    2 Corinthians 4:7-11
    "But we have this treasure in earthen vessels, that the excellence of the power may be of God and not of us. We are hard-pressed on every side, yet not crushed; we are perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not forsaken; struck down, but not destroyed— always carrying about in the body the dying of the Lord Jesus, that the life of Jesus also may be manifested in our body. For we who live are always delivered to death for Jesus’ sake, that the life of Jesus also may be manifested in our mortal flesh."

  • Jewel Grewe

    Caryl . . We all are praying for you. I just went through this valley with my sister and know indeed that Jesus is the Good Shepherd who cares for the sheep of His Pasture. You are His "little lamb" and He is carrying you through this time.

  • David McIntosh

    Don't give up.
    My pastor (in his late 70s) got diagnosed with prostate cancer, and the scans showed it entered his abdominal cavity and bones and they gave him several months to live.
    Many people prayed for him and I got a chance to lay hands on him (first time for me). His PSA level is now normal and we went for supper last week.
    Don't give up. God has not lost the power the heal, and He can still forgive old sins that opened the door to the devil, throw the devil out, and send the Lord Jesus Christ down to make your body whole.
    And don't believe any lie that God doesn't love you or He has abandoned you or wants you to die. The devil is a liar and that's not from God.
    God wants you healed and whole and blessed.
    Love you Caryl!
    I'm praying for you too.

  • Dedra

    Caryl, I will keep praying for you! You always came off as a warm and loving lady, and I hope the Lord plans to keep you with is for awhile longer, because we need more ministries and people like you! You have done so much fior the Kingdom with how you have warned others of the dangers of witchcraft and the New Age. You are a blessing to so many.

    I will pray the Lord will either completely heal you or provide you with all the funding you need for the treatments you need.

    Please hang in there! God bless you for all you have done and will continue to do!!

  • Pamela Hawcroft
    Pamela Hawcroft June 26, 2015 at 5:30 pm

    Dear Carol,

    I have just come across your story whilst researching contemplative prayer. You are an inspiration, and whatever happens, you KNOW the Lord is with you. My dear and faithful mum passed away recently and the Lord's presence was so near to us in the valley of the shadow of death. I was with her when she took her final breath and she was so peaceful - and yes! the Holy Spirit does give us songs in the night. My prayers are with you. Keep looking UP!

  • Praying the "prayer that never fails" may His will be done.

  • Tom Gillette

    I came across your website through your interview with Jan Markel of "Understanding the Times." I can see by that interview that you are using the gifts that God has given you with a passion from your heart. I was saddened to hear of your trials. Needless to say you will be in my prayers for comfort, strength, healing, financial, and any other area that is needed. You are a true inspiration to many through your work and your trials. I will leave you with this word from Joshua 1:9- " Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go."
    Tom Gillette

  • Linda Maxey

    Praying for a miraculous restoration to stay her a bit longer.

  • Elaine

    Dear Carol, prayers are with you at this time. You have been such a blessing to so many with all of your books and articles. have used many in my Bible Study for years. The lord has given you the Truth of His Holy Word and you have been obedient and He will surround you with His peaceful presence always, May He watch over you and your family always, in Him, Elaine

  • Dave Hamilton
    Dave Hamilton July 26, 2015 at 2:15 pm

    Dear Caryl, I am deeply moved and saddened by your cancer diagnosis. I will keep you in my prayers, seriously, not just saying that. God's glory will come out of this.

  • Richard Hill

    Dear Caryl,
    I am thankful for you service to the God of Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob; and His Son Jesus. You, through the "Wide is the Gate" series helped me discern many confusing things I was seeing happening in the Church. Also to leading me to other brothers and sisters in the ministry that could help me to continue to grow in my Christian walk. Also to being a Berean. So I thank you again for your loving service to our Lord Jesus. I pray for God's healing of you dear sister.

  • Donna Jamieson

    Dear Caryl - - I spoke with you the Berean Call conference last week. We took a picture together for my friend Margaret in England! I wanted to thank you so very much for your ministry! Cary,l I know personally for me, the difference that you have made in my life through wide is the gate 1 & 2, my husband and I bought Wide is the gate 3 and we just finished watching the first CD... it tied up so many loose ends for me, as we have recently come out of error! I will be buying Wide is the gate 3 for friends... I feel really led to send it to certain people, & I pray that they have ears to hear, & a love for the truth!
    You are on our prayer board, so we pray for you regularly... and we ask the Lord for restored health, peace, and strength to endure the pain. God has used you to draw many people out of deception...thank you for exhibiting the love of Christ, and as we know--at great cost to you! With Love ~Donna

  • Romulus

    Dear Caryl Matrisciana,

    I am a 39 year old police officer from Romania (East Europe), and I am a born again evangelical christian (baptist). I was born in a romanian eastern orthodox family, my father was an agnostic and my mother just a religious woman, both not knowing Jesus Christ as Lord and Savior. As a result I didn't receive from them any biblical christian education.

    I just want you to know that I first saw you and heard you in a 13 parts christian documentaries called PAGAN INVASION when I was 16 year old. In those documentaries there are also the late Dave Hunt and the late Chuck Smith. Watching Pagan Invasion series helped me SO MUCH to understand that the Bible is the Word of God, that Jesus is our Saviour and Satan is not a mitological character, and Darwin's theory of evolution is false,etc.

    Since then I have been watching to many of your christian documentaries ( films) including Wide is the Gate, Yoga Uncoiled, etc. and I have been studying a lot christian apologetics blogs ( such as TBC-Dave & T.A., Understand the Times-Roger Oakland,etc.)


    We pray for you, we love you, we treasure you as dear sister in Christ !

    JOB 19: 25-26, KJV

  • terri abraham

    thank you so much for your kind information on cancer that you gave us through Deb at LT. I tried to email you at caryl@carylmatrisiana.com but it wouldn't go. you are in my prayers and I am so grateful. I will try to send you a real letter soon. love and prayers, terri

    • Caryl's Webmaster
      Caryl's Webmaster November 5, 2015 at 9:52 pm

      Dear Terri
      thank you for your comment. The best way to reach caryl is via our contacts page

      Caryl Productions Team

  • Jay L

    Dear Caryl,
    I came to know about you and your work when I watched Eric Wilson's YouTube clips on the dangers of martial arts, and started viewing your videos on the gods of the new age, spiritual warfare and so on. What fascinating and sobering work you have done over the years, and I am blessed to have learned about eastern mysticism given so many Indian coworkers in my line of work. I am saddened to learn that your cancer has metastasized and will remember to pray for you. If I may relay my wife's story, she was diagnosed with a deadly immune system disease

  • Xoey Lee

    I will be keeping you and your family in my prayers. I love and appreciate your work and testimony.

  • Erik Norberg

    Dear Caryl, I saw a video with you today and went to your WEB-side, where I heard of your cancer. I use to pray every night for people I know of who got cancer etc. I just want to say to you that I will pray for you! I believe that you will be healed!
    I thank you for you sharing your wisdom with me, as well as all others who can recognize the truth in what you are sharing. /Erik

  • Brian Davis

    I have been praying for a healing for you ever since I heard of the bike accident and the cancer when you were on the Jan Markel broadcast and I hope that the pain you are going through is getting less and less until it is gone. I will continue to pray for you as you are on my mind with some friends that are also going through cancer pain. God Bless

  • Elizabeth Beasley
    Elizabeth Beasley January 4, 2016 at 8:02 am

    Oh! Sister, may God's peace that surpasses all understanding be yours and I know God the Father will NOT let you down. I, just for the first time came to your website to possibly order the trilogy of Wide is the Gate. As I'm reading, I feel your sorrow. I know it isn't easy to face the physical pain that you are facing now. It seems that emotional pain has it's own peculiar dynamics, while physical pain is a testing that makes doubt creep in to the soul and cause unrest. Jesus suffer this on the Cross, but He was triumphant in the end, Thank you Jesus. He endured for us, His reward, Amen!
    We never know why each Christian is destined to suffer which maladies or how much, but we know that God promises through His Son a comfort that the world can't give. We just need to pray His will be done not ours for our lives.
    You are in His hands sister! One day I will see you there! God bless and thank you for your endeavors for the integrity of the Gospel Jesus Christ.

  • Elspeth R Hunt

    Will pray for a miraculous healing. God can use suffering, but He can also be glorified through divine intervention!

  • Leah Newcomb
    Leah Newcomb May 1, 2016 at 8:52 pm

    Dear Caryl, I came across you on YouTube for the first time yesterday and am very interested in your insights on deception in the Christian church.
    Reading what you have to say about your cancer, particularly on Isaiah 53 I wonder have you thrown out the baby with the bath water in not seeming to believe in healing in the Atonement. E.g. In the Hebrew the passage you the words for sorrows and griefs also have the meaning of physical pains and sicknesses. Does Jesus not still work supernatural physical miracles? A tough question I know but you don't seem to raise it. With love, Leah

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